


Fragments of The Vestige

by ALMSIVI3



Category: Elder Scrolls, Elder Scrolls Online
Genre: Angst, Companionship, Drama, Family, Fluff, Humor, Loose Canon, Loose Lore, Love, Multi, Slow Burn, Vampires, Violence, Werewolves, mature language
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-03-03
Updated: 2021-03-13
Packaged: 2021-03-16 13:47:13
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 10
Words: 17,147
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29825868
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ALMSIVI3/pseuds/ALMSIVI3
Summary: Vannyn Vette finds herself struggling to cope with who she has become. Once a vestige, Vannyn still feels as if something is missing within her. On a personal mission to devoid herself of her humanity, a revelation presents itself that could alter Vannyn's entire life. With the help of her companions of House Ravenwatch, Vannyn searches for answers. Can Vannyn find the answers she desperately needs and let go of her deep desire to lose her humanity? Or is it too late?
Comments: 12
Kudos: 1





	1. Vestige

**Middas 8 Morning Star 2E 582  
Solitude, Western Skyrim**

* * *

I was tired. And it just wasn’t the tired that comes from lack of sleep or sustenance. I was _tired_. The tiredness that wears on your bones and makes you feel like you're physically carrying boulders across the expanse of your shoulders all day, every day. The tired that makes a mess of your thoughts, feelings, emotions. I had been through a lot. We had been through a lot. I can’t say who in our circle had been through the most in their life, but I felt that I may have the upper hand as far as experiences went. I, after all, had my soul ripped from my body once upon a time ago. I still was recovering from that and still hadn’t felt whole since I got my soul back. Who knew if I ever would again. I went so long without the very essence of my being, I think it left a permanent emptiness within me. It left an inability to cope.  
  
During that whole experience, I told myself and along with others, that I didn’t feel any different. Soul or not, I was still me. And at the time, I believed that. During my many excursions, I helped anyone with anything. My moral compass, for the most part, always pointed due north. Did I have to make quick judgment and hard decisions that most people wouldn’t or couldn’t? Absolutely. Did I sometimes regret my choices or wish that I could go back and do things differently? Of course. But that was life, wasn’t it? That was what _everyone_ sometimes struggled with, big or small - choices. Wasn’t it?   
  
“You alright, partner?” Lyris pulled me from my thoughts. I snapped back to reality and out of my thoughts.   
  
We were celebrating the defeat of the Gray Host's failure of annihilating thousands of people and The Reach over a couple mugs of mead at The Lonely Troll Inn. And it wasn’t just that defeat we were celebrating. It was the celebration of the defeat of High King Svargrim as well. I felt a little odd celebrating in the defeat of Princess Svana's father, but she seemed to be handling it well. It was necessary and Svana had said it enough times that I was starting to believe she really was going to be okay. As soon as we dealt with The Gray Host in Western Skyrim, I was called to The Reach where the battle continued. I barely had enough time to catch my breath before saving yet another countless amount of people. We saved many, but lost as well. It wasn’t until after Verandis asked me to bequeath his name that I felt his loss. He promised to visit every moment he could, but claimed by The Dark Heart, no one knew how much or how frequent that would be. Verandis was a dear friend and loved by many - we all would miss him dearly. I wanted to save him that day, and Gods I would have had a fate stronger than destiny not already been in play.   
  
My heart shattered for Gwendis, Fennorian, and Adusa. And though it wasn’t, it felt like it was my fault he didn’t come back like I did. Like Lyris did. Yet another burden gnawing away at me on repeat.  
  
Voices, laughter, the busy sound of boots scuffing against the floor, and the frequent sounds of mead steins hitting the tabletops flooded my ears as I looked in the direction of Lyris. “Partner? You alright?” Lyris asked again. A look of concern on her face. She rarely showed concern albeit on her face but this time she was. “I’m fine.” I answered with a deep breath and took a quick swig of mead. I didn’t particularly like mead and preferred Altmer wine, but Solitude didn’t really cater to anyone else’s tastes but Nords.   
  
“Doesn’t look like your _fine_. You haven’t laughed at any of Maugh’s horrible jokes and you’ve barely touched that mug to your lips.” Lyris said with a quick scrunch of her eyebrows.  
  
“You know I don’t really like mead.” I said with a pointed sarcasm. “That can’t be why you’re on the verge of tears. We’re supposed to be celebrating! Remember? Libations aside, what’s wrong? You’re starting to worry me. And I don’t like to worry. Gets me antsy.” Lyris said with a side grin.  
  
She was right - this _was_ a celebration. How was I supposed to dump all these suppressed feelings right here on the table and say ‘There it is! Look at it!’?   
  
Myself at the end of the table, I looked around at my friends who all gathered crowded at our one table in the small alcove of the inn. Svana and Maugh sat across from each other at the end of the table closest to the wall playing a game of Blood-on-the-Snow. Gwendis and Adusa fawned in laughter as they watched the many handsome Nords that occupied the inn. Sai and Fennorian looked deep in conversation as Sai spoke of Yokudan legends. Despite it all - despite _everything_ , they looked to be having a good time. Their shoulders slouched a little more than usual, their faces not so grim, their movement not so stiff - _relaxed_. Gods damn it - why couldn’t I relax?   
  
“It’s no need for you to worry.” I said and sat up straighter in my chair. I could feel it in my back that I had been slouching way too long. “I’m not so sure, Vannyn.” Lyris said skeptically. "When are you not the center of attention? Chatting away? You ask more questions than anyone else I know. You're damned silent tonight." Lyris added. I needed some fresh air. My face was flushed with heat and the crowded quarter wasn’t helping much. I stood up from my chair and Lyris looked up at me this time for once. “I need some air. I’m going to step outside.” I faintly smiled. “Need company?” Lyris asked as she shot a quick glance towards Sai and then right back to me.  
  
I chuckled to myself. Lyris and Sai. While we had the free time, I didn’t want to tear them apart. They had been together, glued to the hip since we got back. They deserved their time together and I wasn’t going to come in between that. Especially since they had confessed their true feelings about each other while we were in The Reach. And definitely not because whatever I was feeling within myself.  
  
“No, no. I’m fine. I promise. It’s a little warm in here. I’ll be back.” I smiled and scooted my chair underneath the table. “You won’t be out there too long. It’s colder than a hagraven’s tit out there.” Lyris chuckled. I smiled and slipped away between the crowd of people towards the exit.

"Everything alright, Snow Lily?" Sai asked, pulling his attention away from the lore he was speaking to Fennorian about and turning all of his attention towards Lyris.   
  
"I'm not sure, Sai. The vest-, er, Vannyn, seems upset about something." Lyris said with a frown. "She needs some time. _Resting_ time." Sai said with a shrug. Lyris frowned. She had grown close to Vannyn. She could tell when something was amiss and something was definitely going on. Thing of it was, Lyris wasn't the best at giving advice. She could give her opinion, and she had _strong_ opinions, but she wasn't sure this was what Vannyn needed. She needed, perhaps, compassion, and Lyris wasn't the best with feelings. She had a hard enough time conveying and speaking her feelings to Sai. And Sai - his solution to most things was taking time to think on them and to rest. He didn't understand and Lyris didn't truly understand what was going on either, but she knew it was _something_. It wasn't something that rest was going to fix.

"I'm going to replenish our mugs, Snow Lily. The night is still young and plenty more time to celebrate." Sai said and swiftly stood from the bench he had occupied and headed to the busy counter. Lyris watched Sai walk away before an idea came to her. She quickly turned her attention to Fennorian. "Hey. Fenn." Lyris said in her signature assertive tone.

* * *


	2. Thoughts

* * *

Lyris was right. It was colder than a hagraven’s tit outside. The cold never seemed to bother me much before now. I always figured my body temperature ran a little hotter than normal, but tonight felt a little different. The flush of heat quickly ran cold from cheeks leaving behind a bitter frigid burn instead. Little specks of white dusty snow fell haphazardly through the air and the chilly wind howled, almost haunting, over and through Solitude’s stone walls.  
  
There weren't many places within the walls of Solitude that I could go for open space and I wasn’t up to trekking outside the walls tonight. I had left my staff back in my suite at the inn and I wasn’t up to using any magicka at the moment. I settled on a spot a little ways from the inn, right below the town's crafting stations. The cobblestone streets were still lively despite the time of the night. Merchants were busy closing their stalls for the evening, adventurers were returning to the town, and some of the drunken Nords had moved their drinking to the street. It was all still loud and bustling.  
  
I turned my back to lean against the small stone alcove. The cold of the stone penetrated the thin fabric of my jerkin and a breath of cold smoke escaped my lips when I gasped at the sudden feeling. I settled into my spot and soon forgot about the cold nipping at me as I slipped back into my thoughts.  
  
Something was going to have to give. Something was going to have to change. I knew I wasn’t going to be able to just ignore everything I had been through, but there had to be a way, a direction, something to help me put it behind me. Help me grow from my experiences and just move the hell on from it all.  
  
Maybe if I had a choice of how I ended up. That choice had been taken away from me in more ways than one. Did I ever dream of a life betrothed with whelps, living an easy but mediocre life? Absolutely not. That life wasn’t always what it seemed. I knew firsthand about that. Sure those lives seemed simple enough but simple they are not. And I didn’t want it. I always loved exploring and sought out adventures any time I could and with the way I grew up, I always had the time, but this wasn’t what I imagined.  
  
I was an only child as far as I knew. I grew up in Daggerfall of Glenumbra and spent most of my childhood summers in Rivenspire in the town of Fell's Run with distant family. I could suppose that's where I got my adventuring nature from; traveling back-and-forth through High Rock. It was an escape and I could let my imagination run wild. I lived in the world I wanted to rather than in the one I had.  
  
I was raised mainly by my father who was a successful woodworker and stayed busy most days. We were able to live a modest life because of his trade success. He had hoped for a son. He would remind me of this often. He wanted a son to carry on his name, follow in his footsteps, and continue on his trade for generations to come long after he was gone. I disappointed him just because I was his daughter.  
  
My mother wasn't really a mother. She was in and out of both my life and my father's. There were rumors of her courtesan tendencies though she was called much worse in the Trade District. When she wasn't at home, I would see her around town with nobles and with members of the king's court. She spent most of her time in Castle Town. A part of me despised her because she was so close but still could only manage to see me so infrequently. Days, weeks, and months would go by before I would see her again.  
  
My father would take it on me. He would tell me on nights he was drunk that he couldn't stand the sight of me because I looked just like her. He was so deeply in love with her and I was all he had left of her. It sickened him. By the time I was a teenager, he was miserable. He'd leave for his shop before I would wake in the morning and spend nights on end there. He'd check in every once in a while to make sure I was alive without so much of a hello and then he'd head back to his shop.  
  
I hadn't seen my mother in over three years by that point and that's when my father sent me away to Fell's Run. I lived with my ailing great aunt. When she passed on seven years later, I made a trip back to Daggerfall. I had never heard directly from my father the entire time I lived in Fell's Run. He would write to my great aunt and would ask about me but would never reply to any letters I sent him.  
  
When I made it back to Daggerfall, I learned my father's shop had been taken over by someone else and no one seemed to know what happened to him. There were rumors of him being in some trouble having to do with gambling but I hadn't ever known my father to be a gambler. I never did see my father again or my mother. I didn't even have a chance to make it anywhere into my investigation because the day I came back was the day Mannimarco stole my soul. Which brought me where I stood today.  
  
I supposed that maybe I never would have had the option in which direction my life would go. Afterall, Varen did say I was written in the Elder Scrolls - a fate and a destiny come to fruition. But the ever-present question - why me? It wasn’t like I was exceptionally gifted like the many others I had met in my expeditions. I had a natural acclimation to the arcane arts, which neither my mother nor father possessed, but what of it? There were plenty of Bretons who were born with magicka abilities. Most of my race knew some kind of magic. It wasn’t unheard of. We did share Elven blood. I even had small, but noticeable, pointed tips to my ears.  
  
Growing up, other children would poke fun of my ears because they didn't look like their ears. They'd say the reason my mother wasn't around was because she wasn't my real mother. My mother was an elf that wanted nothing to do with an unspecial and average Breton human. Children could be so cruel.  
  
That was all though - magicka and pointed ears. That was it? That was the answer as to why I was here, why I was chosen by the Elder Scrolls? Destiny itself? That was what made me so damned special? It didn't make any sense. None of it. I could scoff at it all like a stupid joke. My whole life.  
  
“Your ability to completely ignore all of your surroundings is a little frightening.” A familiar intellectual voice pulled me from my inner ramblings.  
  
My heart lurched to my throat at the sound of his voice. Fennorian. I had grown quite fond of him through all our recent adventures. He always carried a serious expression and a smoldering gaze. He was completely unaware of the allure he truly possessed and the effect he had on others.  
  
I looked up at him. Most did, aside from Lyris, because of his High Elf stature. His pose mimicked mine, his arms crossed across his chest. “I didn’t even see you standing there.” I chuckled bashfully. How long had he been standing there? I felt a little foolish standing out in the open being this vulnerable. Vulnerable enough that I was unaware of who was around and how close someone could have gotten.  
  
“I know. That’s what makes it so frightening.” Fennorian reiterated. “Done celebrating with everyone? Time to get back to your studies?” I asked with a playful smile. Fennorian was never too far from anything scholastic.  
“Well, uh, no. I.. suppose I am, well, checking on you.” Fennorian stammered. Classic Fennorian. Anything out of his element, he stammers all around it instead of just spitting it out.  
  
I rolled my eyes. “Let me guess. Lyris.” I shook my head. Fennorian frowned. “She seemed certain that something was upsetting you.” Fennorian said sympathetically. “You have been with us these past, what, couple months, haven’t you?” I asked sarcastically. “Yes, and that’s what I told her might be troubling you. We are all spent. She seems to think otherwise.” Fennorian said quietly. Well… she wasn’t wrong. It wasn’t just our recent adventures.  
  
“I suppose she’s right.” I said with a shrug. It was quiet for a few moments before Fennorian spoke again. “Would you, um, like to speak about it? That is if you want to. Only if you want to.” Fennorian said. “You got the time?” I laughed. Gods, how long would it take for me to talk about it with someone other than my inner dialogue? Fennorian didn’t understand why I laughed when I asked. The puzzled look on his face gave it away.  
  
“Well, it is starting to snow heavily and from the looks of it, you look to be quite cold. The group has spoken of getting out of the walls of Solitude and doing a little expeditioning outside of the walls tomorrow. Nothing big. A little exploring and camping outside of the snow.” Fennorian said. "One last hurrah before we all go back to doing whatever it is we're all supposed to do now." Fennorian added with a chuckle.  
  
It sounded nice. A casual adventure with my companions with no set location, no set of objectives - but my irritation was at the forefront of mind. “What I’m going through and what’s bothering me is not up for a group conversation.” I snapped harshly. I didn’t mean for it to sound like that when it came out, but it was too late to take it back.  
  
“That wasn’t what I meant… nevermind. I’ll take my leave.” Fennorian said quickly and started walking back towards the inn. “Wait!” I called. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean that. Well, I did mean that I didn’t want to have a group conversation, but I didn’t mean to bite when I spoke.” I sighed in defeat. I left my spot on the wall that had become quite warm from my body heat and met up with Fennorian.  
  
“Time with everyone one last time sounds great.” I said with a forced smile. I felt bad for barking at him the way I did. “I’ll meet with everyone at the stables in the morning, alright? Let everyone know. I’m going to retire for the night.” I said and turned on my heel. I’d take the basement entrance up to my room. I just wanted to avoid everyone for now. “Well, yes, I’ll let them know.” Fennorian called behind me.

* * *


	3. Injudicious

**Turdas 9 Morning Star 2E 582  
Near Dragon Bridge, Western Skyrim**

* * *

Svana and Maugh stayed behind from our companion camping, despite Maugh’s proposition to put off jarl duties for just one more day. Svana didn’t waver in her decision to get back to work. She was setting up to make a fine leader and she thought a no better way than to show her people she was taking her position seriously by getting straight to work. Whatever that work was, I didn’t know. I had never been a jarl.

The day had been eventful and enjoyable at most parts. The conversation for the day was casual, speaking of nothing important. Of course, Lyris asked me several times if I was feeling alright. I always answered her with a cheerful smile and told her to stop worrying. I stressed that I was fine. It wasn’t until Sai told her she was starting to sound like a coddling mother did she stop checking on me every hour. 

We spent most of the day trekking up the mountainside only to trek down the opposite side. We chose a small area beside a running stream and nestled down low between the impressive mountain formations - protected from the bitter winds and away from snow-covered grounds.

Once we arrived at our camp spot, Adusa, Gwendis, Sai, and Lyris busied themselves around the camp setting everything up for the night. Night was going to start falling soon and we needed fire and, most of us, a little dinner before bed. My vampire companions would stick to their flasks of blood, despite both Gwendis and Adusa’s complaints of missing the satisfaction of the “straight from the vein” supply.

Something was tugging at my lips that I had wanted to speak of earlier but could never find the opportune time. There were too many people around and the subject matter of my interest, well, I was afraid of what the others would think. I had thought of it all night, barely sleeping. If there was one person that could shed any light on what I wanted to speak of, it’d be Fennorian. The scholar he was - he’d have to know something about this … matter. And I didn’t think I would have to worry too much about any judgement from him, not like the others. Maybe. I could see Gwendis’ face now or the expressive, appalling noise Adusa would make. Sai and Lyris? I wasn’t even about to go down that road with them.

“Fenn, walk down to the stream with me. We need to refill the bladders.” I announced casually. Easy enough excuse I guessed. Fenn dropped his backpack and gathered up the group’s water bladders that had been dropped from everyone’s shoulders once we arrived at our resting spot. The group paid no mind, busy with tasks of their own.

Once we made it down to the flowing stream, Fennorian quickly made work of starting to refill the bladders. He bent down and dunked the first bladder into the cool water. “It’s been quite the fun adventure today. Wouldn’t you say?” Fennorian asked casually as he quickly filled one bladder full before starting on the next. “For once? Yeah, sure.” I said, putting my hands on my hips and staring into the falling dusk. The sun was settling low behind the mountains and a curtain of fog was starting to drift loosely. 

I let out a quiet sigh before mustering up the courage to ask the question I wanted the answer to. “I wanted to ask you something.” I started, kicking at the tiny pebbles beneath my boot. “Ask me anything.” Fennorian said, still working on his task. Was he even going to notice that I wasn’t doing the same? He might have been a little too trusting for his own good.

“You’ve probably read a lot of books, right?” I started off. What a stupid question I digressed. Fennorian laughed, “A quite many books, yes.” I was positive he thought it a stupid question too, but he was too polite to say otherwise.

“Many books on just about any topic?” I asked, still unable to form the question outright. “Well, I’m sure there are a few things I haven’t discovered yet, but it would probably be something that had never been recorded or lost pieces. There would be no possible way I could learn about it in that case.” Fennorian shrugged. 

“So, you’ve probably read a lot of afflictions, plaques, curses, rituals, all that stuff, right? The dark arts? Things that fall into the ‘do-not-ever-do’ category?” I asked. I was only beating around the bush now, nervousness swirling inside my stomach.

I watched Fennorian as he scrunched his brow together as he stood up, screwing the lid on the last bladder. He turned towards me and looked at me with a skepticism only Fennorian would have. He was starting to put the pieces together of what I wanted to ask him. He didn’t know exactly what I was asking, but bringing up the dark arts and forbidden acts, the gears were starting to turn in his mind. And his vampiric aptitude to pick up on senses, he knew it was something bad.

“Don’t look at me like that. I’m just asking a question.” I sighed with a defensive huff. “What are you asking then, Vannyn?” Fennorian asked, clearly inquisitive of what it was I was truly asking of him and a little bit irritated at the dancing around. I wasn't the scholarly type and never claimed to be. Legends and lore - I followed what others spoke of it. I never directly did the digging for myself. Fennorian knew this. The entirety of our group knew this. They also knew I was a bit more direct when it came to speaking. I didn't skirt around like this. I was never nervous.

And seeing how Fennorian was a vampire that was able to sense feelings and emotions of others... On second thought, maybe he wasn’t the one I should have been talking to. I was only giving myself away. That was the second dumbest thing I had done since I started talking to him.

“What are you asking me?” Fennorian asked again, a sternness in his voice. 

“The ability to suppress one’s humanity.” I blurted out. Fennorian’s eyes went wide momentarily before setting back into their natural resting position. "Absolutely not." Fennorian snapped and bent down to gather the full water bladders. He wasn't even going to entertain the idea of the subject in question. It was a risk that I took to ask about it, yes, but I didn't think I'd be shut down this quick.

"What do you mean _absolutely not_?" I asked, mimicking the accented prim and proper sternness he answered me with. 

"We're not discussing it." Fennorian said, completely dismissing me. "So, it's alright if you know about it, but I can't?" I scoffed. "I imagine it's more than just you wanting to know about it, Vannyn. It isn't just curious sake. Measuring how you were dancing around the question at hand, sensing your nervousness and hearing how fast your heart is beating right now, I know it's not just a simple question." Fennorian said quickly. He was perceptive. 

"Why the sudden interest? Whatever the circumstances, I can guarantee this is not the road you want to travel. That is what I mean by absolutely not." Fennorian added and started to step away from the privacy of the trickling stream. I stepped in front of him quickly to keep him from heading back up to the group. I wasn’t finished.

"You're not the only person who I can ask about this, you know. If you won't tell me, I'll find someone who will. A little gold goes a long way in Tamriel." I said sharply. I used my intimidating presence whenever a situation presented itself where it would be useful. Whether it would work or not, who knew, but I was going to at least try it with Fennorian.

"Then why even bother to ask me in the first place?" Fennorian asked. It almost looked like I hurt his feelings and I probably had. I had never acted that way towards him or any of my companions before. "Because you're my friend. I thought you'd want to help me. You said that I could count on you." I spoke quickly. Maybe I was being a little too aggressive about this and getting mad at him because he wouldn't tell me was me simply getting upset because I wasn't going to be able to charm or intimidate the answers I wanted out of him.

"I am. And you can. Which is why I'm telling you to not do this. I'm not going to be the one responsible for your moral demise. You don't know what it means - you don't understand the implications." Fennorian said softly. "I'm not your responsibility. Anything I choose to do, I choose myself. I am not anyone's responsibility." I said with a huff. Fennorian let out an aggravated sigh. 

"You don't understand-" Fennorian started but I cut him off. "No, _you_ don't understand!" I was beginning to lose my cool. I fought the urge to stomp my feet like a petulant child. I just wanted relief. Fennorian held the answer but still he refused to tell me anything. 

"Hey! How much longer down there? I'm parched. My tongue is going to stick itself permanently to the top of my mouth it is!" Gwendis called down from the camp. Her tiny, shadowed color figure illuminated by the fire at the top of the bank. I hadn’t thought of it before, but I figured it was just an excuse for her to butt into what was happening. Vampires didn’t really need water. They could eat and drink, but it did nothing for them. Still, Gwendis had insisted the three of them wanted a water bladder to bring along. I didn’t even ask. I didn’t understand a lot of things vampires done. “A moment, Gwendis.” Fennorian called up the bank.

Anger started to boil inside me. This was a waste of time. This was wasting my time. I had wasted my own time. I shouldn’t have asked him. I shouldn’t have involved anyone in this.

"I think you're being a little irrational right now. You're upset, emotions are heightened, you're not thinking this through." Fennorian said, turning his attention back to me. "How can you say that? You don't know half of what I've been through. If you did, you'd want to help me. You can't imagine how all the hell I've been through has wreaked havoc on my thoughts and my very being. How heavy this shit weighs on my shoulders every single day. I feel like I'm going mad! I don’t want to live like this anymore!" I shouted. More like I exploded. It was all out in the open now.

The rest of my companions now gathered at the top of the bank, looking down at the commotion. The commotion I was causing. They kept their space and didn’t interrupt. They kept a watchful eye. I knew they would only intervene if necessary.

"Turning off your humanity is not the way." Fennorian said with plea. "You're not going to tell me, are you?" I said sharply with a shake of my head. "Tell you what? How to do it? Or just how wonderful you’ll feel afterwards and how it will take every unpleasant thought away? How great you will feel running around without one single care? Without any grief?" Fennorian asked. I figured it was a rhetorical, and sarcastic, question so I didn't answer. I bit my lip and looked out towards the dark of night. The moon and stars reflected a ghostly reproduction on the water's surface. I stood still with my arms crossed over my chest. I fought back the tears that started to brim my eyes.

"It's a ritual. Everything is always a ritual, isn't it? A ritual someone with only a base knowledge of dark magic can perform. It requires nothing other than the individual and a little blood. Simple enough, right? You're wondering why if it's so simple, why don't more partake in it? Hmm?" Fennorian asked. The way his voice sounded; he was angry now though he didn't show it much through his expression.

"It's painful. Your memories - the bad and the good are stripped from you. Physically and mentally, you will feel everything. Everything you felt, heard, or thought during every moment will rush at once. You will be overwhelmed with joy, sorrow, happiness, sadness, anger, and despair so violently, it will leave you spent and empty. Back and forth, all at once, and then nothing at all.” Fennorian said with conviction.

“Most only want to rid themselves of the bad memories, but every person has good. Despite how heinous one may be, they weren't always like that and there's always something someone evil never wants to feel again. A happy memory, something special... it clouds their judgement. They never want to feel out of control. They never want to feel vulnerable. They never want to second guess. That’s why others hardly ever partake in it." Fennorian said, enunciating his words very quickly and precisely. 

"To be truly void of your humanity, you must be nothing." Fennorian added with a stress on the nothing part. I opened my mouth to speak, but Fennorian quieted me with a shake of his head. "That's not all. Oh no. You don't get to pick and choose on how you react in situations after it is done either. It's how you feel in the moment. You are completely unpredictable. You won’t even be able to predict yourself. And relationships? You have none. You can't be a companion to anyone. You walk alone and hurt any and everyone in your wake. You won't come back. You will never be you again. That ability is taken away from you. You will be a husk of flesh." Fennorian said. He let out a breath of deep hurt. 

"What if I did want to turn it back on?" I asked, letting the words Fennorian spoke shoot back and forth in my head. All of that did seem like a great risk to take. "It wouldn't be by your own choice." Fennorian said with a shrug. "It would take a great force. And it'd take something that wasn't lost in the dehumanization to bring you back. And who knows what it would be. It could be anything - big or small. A memory, a place, a smell, something trivial. It'd be searching for a needle in a haystack. Who could figure it out, Vannyn?" Fennorian said and ended with a sarcastic laugh. 

"And after everything you're sure to do, who would honestly spend their efforts trying to? You're lost." Fennorian shrugged. "I beg of you, think of what you're asking for. It'd be... well, it'd be a shame to lose you. We'd all miss you very much." Fennorian added before quickly turning on his heel and heading up the camp. 

I stood alone in the darkness. I certainly had a lot to think over. What Fennorian said - the process and the outcome - was it really that way? Maybe he was making it a bit more dramatic than it was. And I was strong. I could certainly choose when I wanted to turn it back on. I just wanted freedom and relief for a little while. That’s it. I would still be me despite what Fennorian said. I was different. Instead of becoming a soul shriven in the tight grasp of Molag Bal not so long ago, I walked along, empty of a soul, but still colored flesh with my mind about me. 

I wanted it. The freedom. I didn’t want to think or feel what I had been living with every day. Everything had started to catch up with me and bottled themselves up. The contents were beginning to form a combustible pressure within me. I didn’t know where to go or what to do about it. I wanted an easy way out this time. Just this once.

“She what?” I winced when I heard Lyris’s voice. It was loud and boisterous, bouncing off the mountains in the distance. “Surely she’s only joking. Tell me she is only joking!” Lyris exclaimed, waiting on Fennorian to tell her what she wanted to hear. After Fennorian finished telling whatever he told Lyris, all at once, everyone was talking on top of each other. I couldn’t make out a single word any of them were saying. 

I almost found it funny. Here I stood, down here alone, and them, up there, all in group talking about me and what I had brought up. As if I weren’t even here. 

I let out an aggravated sigh and with a heave, I kicked a large pebble in front of my boot, launching it into the dark waters. It hit the water with a liquid thud, but I wasn’t even able to hear it over the excitement up at the camp.

I walked up to the camp and right through the middle of my companions who stood huddled together in a circle. I took a seat on the ground in front of the warm fire and waited for the jabbering to be directed towards me. It went silent. No one said anything.

But I didn’t have to wait long. I had barely been sitting for five seconds before everyone turned towards me. Lyris was the first to speak.

“I want to think you’re joking or that you’re only curious. I don’t want to think you’d really go and do something so...so...” Lyris was cut off from her inability to find the right word she was looking for. “So stupid?” Gwendis asked loudly, sarcasm ever present in her tone, as she pushed her little body through the group and stood in front of me. “That’s not even the word for it, five-claw.” Adusa spoke her turn.

Despite five pairs of eyes staring at me, I focused on the flames of the fire. This wasn’t what I needed. I didn’t need everyone screaming at me. It didn’t help anything. It didn’t solve anything.

“It is not the way, Vestige.” Sai’s deep voice spoke out. He stood with his arms crossed tightly. “That doesn’t make me feel any better. _Vestige_.” I said quietly with utter distaste. Empty. A remainder of the person I used to be. Only an echo. “Sai!” Lyris tried her best to quietly reprimand him. “I am sorry. Habit. Of course, you’re not a vestige anymore.” Sai tried to correct himself, only to be slapped on his arm by Lyris.

Gwendis stepped to the side of me and sat beside me on the cold ground. “Give us a moment.” Gwendis said to the group. “This one will stay.” Adusa said. “No, Adusa. I want to speak with Vannyn. Just us.” Gwendis said. “Might as well try to get some sleep. C’mon, Sai.” Lyris said. She shot me a concerning glance before her and Sai both head off towards their tent, furthest away from the fire. 

Adusa and Fennorian stood put. “You two. Go on.” Gwendis commanded. Adusa looked to both sides of her. “And do what?” Adusa hissed. “I don’t know! Go sharpen your claws or something and take Fennorian with you.” Gwendis said with a shooing motion with her hand. Fennorian shrugged and Adusa shook her head before they both disappeared.

“Let’s talk.” Gwendis said and took her daggers off the sides of her belt. She laid them in between us and let out a deep, relaxing breath.

* * *

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am working on new chapters and editing everyday! So excited for this story and it's upcoming chapters!


	4. Helping Hand

* * *

“I was stupid to ask Fennorian about this.” I said quietly, still gazing at the dancing flames. “Stupid because the whole idea is completely mad or stupid because he’d know what you were going to do? That he’d tell us?” Gwendis asked.

I didn’t answer. It was stupid that I brought it up to one of my companions. I didn’t think the _whole_ idea seemed stupid. Not now with the way I was feeling. A small window of peace. It didn’t seem stupid to me at all.

“Why would you want to do this, Vannyn? Honestly?” Gwendis asked, ignoring her previous questions. “You’re not going to understand.” I said, pulling my knees up to my chest and wrapping my arms around them. “You underestimate me. I’m a vampire. Of course I know what it feels like to want to give up. To not be able to feel. I, for one, definitely know how it feels to not want to feel something.” Gwendis said solemnly. I knew what she was directing that towards. Verandis. He’d left us, her, twice. I think she felt the loss of his presence more than the rest of us. I chose not to say anything about it.

“Then why are you telling me what I want to do is stupid?” I asked. “It’s not right, Vannyn. That’s why. Everyone goes through tough times. If everyone turned off their humanity when things got rough, where would we all be?” Gwendis asked. “You’ve got to have a little hope.” She added. Her voice cracked a little, sounding like she was swallowing a lump in her throat.

“You sound like Verandis.” I smiled. Plenty of times I heard Verandis say the exact same thing. Gwendis smiled slightly. “Someone has to. House Ravenwatch is down one already. I don’t want it to be two.” Gwendis said and playfully bumped her shoulder into mine.

“I… I think my mind is made up, Gwendis.” I sighed. I wasn’t trying to hurt my friends by doing this. I was trying to make myself feel better and what she was telling me, it wasn’t going to make me stray away from my decision. “I’ll come back. I just need some time.” I spoke. “Let us help you. Let me help you. You’re not going to come back. Sometimes decisions are permanent.” Gwendis said, alarm hitching in her throat.

“I’m sure Fennorian can come up with a tincture-“ Gwendis started but I cut her off. “A tincture? That’s going to make me feel better?” I laughed. “What is it that you need to feel better about? You keep saying you want to feel better and you don’t want to feel anything anymore, but what has brought you here? What has made you so desperate you’re going to go run off and kill who you are? The girl we love?” Gwendis asked, her words getting louder with the next.

“There’s so much, Gwendis. So much you don’t know. No one does. Everyone just knows what I’ve done, but what I’ve done isn’t who I am. No one knows me.” I shrugged. Why early memories had been coming up more often, I didn’t have the answers. I thought I had left the past in the past. Gwendis frowned and then she looked like she was mulling something over in her mind. I had seen that look before. It was the look she got before she had a plan. They weren’t always _brilliant_ plans but plans nonetheless.

“Do you trust me, Vannyn?” Gwendis finally spoke. I looked at her. Her question threw me off guard slightly. “Trust you?” I repeated the question. “Do you?” Gwendis asked again. “Y-yes?” I answered but sounded more like a question. “And you trust Fennorian?” Gwendis asked. “Yes?” I asked this time, unsure with what plan she had conjured up in her brain.

“Good because we’re both going to have to be a part of this.” Gwendis said and stood up. I looked up at her. “Part of what? What are we doing?” I asked, completely confused. “Meet me back at your suite in Solitude.” Gwendis said and started to walk away from where I still sat. “My suite? Gwendis? I won’t make it back until light fall. We spent the entire day getting here!” I exclaimed and stood up from the ground. “Oh. Right. Okay. Umm...” Gwendis looked around, scratching at the back of her head.

“Look. We don’t do this. And when I say we don’t do this; I mean we don’t do this. Ever. Verandis would never allow this, but desperate times call for desperate measures.” Gwendis said and bent down to pick up her daggers. She quickly attached one back to her belt but kept the other one in hand. “Gwendis! Do you want to tell me what the hell is going on?” I asked. I had never been more confused in my life.

“We need to get back to Solitude and quickly. I’m going to give you a little of my blood. It will allow you to travel with me. Just don’t die with my blood in your system. You’ll awake a little later and be starving for something a little more than food.” Gwendis chuckled. “Fennorian.” Gwendis said, not any louder than she had just been talking. Fennorian appeared out of black and red mist and I jumped. I had been around these vampires for awhile now and still the quick travel they possessed still startled me when I wasn't expecting it. Gwendis quickly made a small cut on the palm of her hand. With a quick, swift motion she grabbed the back of my head and shoved her hand to my mouth. I let out a muffled sound and Fennorian grabbed Gwendis’s arm. “What the hell are you doing?” Fennorian gasped.

Gwendis took her hand away from my mouth and shrugged off Fennorian’s grasp. I wiped my mouth with the back of my hand. Her blood left a rusty metal taste on my tongue. “Don’t worry, brother. We just need to travel and quickly.” Gwendis said and fastened her dagger to her side. “Do you know what you’ve just done?” Fennorian asked with wide eyes. “I’m aware. I told her to not die. She knows.” Gwendis shrugged. “Do you?” Fennorian directed his concern towards me. Gwendis was always so impulsive when she got an idea in her head. She was the type to proceed with action first and then ask questions later. “I…guess?” I was a little unsure of all that was happening. “It was a little blood, Fennorian. It’ll be out of her system in a day.” Gwendis said and grabbed my arm.

“We need a nectar dusk potion. Meet us back at Vannyn’s suite at the inn. Quickly.” Gwendis said and before neither I nor Fennorian could say anything else, she grabbed me in a tight embrace, and we were gone.

* * *


	5. Preparation

**Snowmelt Suite**

**Solitude, Western Skyrim**

* * *

It seemed like a snap of the fingers and we were back in my suite at the Lonely Troll Inn. Once my feet hit the ground, I jolted forward, stopping my fall by bracing my hands against the wall in front of me. In the motion, I slammed into the wooden chair at the small table, causing a loud scuffing ruckus amongst the floor. Once I was stopped, I felt slightly disoriented and dizzy. 

“Fuck. Gwendis. You could have warned me of the landing.” I scoffed and stood up straight, the dizziness fading away. “I’m sorry. You wouldn’t hold still.” Gwendis said, standing upright and completely unfazed by her choice of travel. “If I had known before there were helpful guidelines, I would have asked.” I laughed. I was brushing the hair out of my face when Fennorian walked through the door.

“Might I suggest locking the door from here on out? Anyone could have just walked in.” Fennorian, ever cautious, said and clicked the door shut behind him. “Give me the potion and lock the door.” Gwendis said as she grabbed the glass jar out of his hand. “Glad to see you in one piece.” Fennorian directed to me and gave a disapproving glance towards Gwendis. “She’s fine.” Gwendis said with a shrug. “Yes, I see that, but had she had, oh, I don’t know, a horrible fall from the landing, she would have come back as you and I. The main reason we never do such things.” Fennorian tsked in disapproval. 

“Would you tell me what you’re doing, Gwendis?” I asked and sat atop the furry blanket on my bed in the far corner of the room, ignoring Gwendis and Fennorian’s banter. “We’re going to dream-walk.” Gwendis said and grabbed her dagger from her side. “Whoa. Wait. No. We’re not.” I said with alarm. “You didn’t even tell her beforehand?” Fennorian said and let his arms shoot up before coming down with a small smack on the side of his legs. “Time was of the essence. You’ve done it before, Vannyn.” Gwendis said as she popped the cork on the bottle, letting it fall to the floor. As if that were to make me feel any better about someone wandering around in my memories.

“Yes...In Verandis’s memories, not mine.” I said with hesitation. Who knows what all was in my memories. I knew most of what would be seen, but what if there was something I had forgotten? I wanted my companions to know me, sure, but maybe some things were okay to be left out. Maybe there was a thing or two I didn’t want anyone to know.

“And what’s this going to do anyway? You’ll see my memories. Big deal.” I shrugged. “You want us to know the real you. What better way than to see firsthand?” Gwendis asked. “I think you’re starting to cross the line, Gwendis. Memories of the past are private unless shown on someone’s free will. This doesn’t sound like that. It sounds like you’re forcing your way in.” Fennorian said. Gwendis let out a frustrated sigh. “Will you allow me, Vannyn?” Gwendis turned her full attention to me. I glanced from Gwendis to Fennorian and then back to Gwendis. I was unsure.

“Look. We care about you. I care about you. I want to understand why you’ve gotten to this desperate point of wanting to turn off your humanity. I want to help, and I can’t help if I don’t know why you feel the way you do. You can tell me until you’re blue in the face, but I know just as well that sometimes words don’t do it any justice.” Gwendis said in a caring, warm voice. “And anyway...if you’re still going to go through it, I’d like to have known who my friend was.” Gwendis said sadly. She looked away from me and down at the ground.

Well, now that pulled at my heart a little too hard. “Okay.” I agreed. Gwendis looked back up at me and smiled. She grabbed the bottle and handed it to me. “Just a sip. This will be easier if you’re asleep since it is your head I’ll be in.” Gwendis smiled. I took the bottle and took a small sip. It tasted sweet and was a sticky consistency - just as I remembered. “I need a little blood.” She said and handed the bottle to Fennorian over her shoulder. “Are you ready?” Gwendis asked and held out her hand for mine. She was less hurried now, making sure everything was happening on my time. I held out my hand and she carefully placed the blade on my flesh. 

“And don’t worry, Fennorian will watch over us during the dream-walk.” Gwendis said and quickly flicked the blade over my flesh. The blood quickly flooded above the cut and Gwendis guided my hand to the jar that Fennorian quickly put underneath my hand. My vision began to blur slightly. I was starting to feel sleepy since taking a sip of the potion. “Boy, I’m sure glad I trust you two. I’m willingly being put to sleep while being cut open in a room with two vampires.” I scoffed with a chuckle through a slur of words. It was getting hard to hold my eyes open. 

"My blood must stink or something...doesn't it? That's why neither of you care to be standing in the same proximity as my open wound." My words continued to slur together as more words kept coming out of my mouth. "Does it?" I asked, now preoccupied at the thought of my blood carrying a tainted smell. Damn. I felt so weird in this moment. "No." Gwendis said with a chuckle. "It most _definitely_ does not." Fennorian added with a lighthearted chuckle of his own. Well, I supposed in a very weird way, I was flattered. "We practice control. It's all about control." Gwendis said before she grabbed the jar out of Fennorian's hand. 

"Cover that up quickly, will you?" Gwendis said and moved from in front of me. With an icy grasp, Fennorian grabbed my hand and quickly wrapped a white bandage tightly around my hand that he pulled from his back pocket. I wanted to ask if he was always that prepared or if he had known there was going to be a need for bandages, but I decided against it. 

“Is this real or not? I would never do anything this stupid.” I continued. If I sat up any longer I was going to fall out cold where I sat. “I’m just…asking…for troub-le.” My eyes were now shut, but I was still barely awake. “Lay her back before she falls asleep.” Gwendis said. I heard rustling around and a clang of the glass jar. She must have been mixing my blood around in the potion. I felt my body quickly laid outright on my bed. 

“Good…luck…in…there…Gwendis. But…wait. Don’t let anything…happen. I’m in no…wait…no good position…to save you…both.” I was losing consciousness fast. I didn’t even know what I was saying. Both Gwendis and Fennorian chuckled. “We’ll be fine. Everything will be fine.” Gwendis said in a soothing voice. I heard nothing for a few seconds and then I felt a small, icy cold hand grab mine. Very swiftly, I succumbed to the potion's effect and fell asleep.

* * *


	6. Dream-Walk

* * *

Fennorian stood by the door and next to Gwendis who had pulled up a chair beside the head of Vannyn’s bed. Before Gwendis shut her eyes to dream-walk in Vannyn’s memories, holding on tightly to Vannyn’s hand, Gwendis reached out and grabbed Fennorian’s hand. He would be able to glimpse and feel anything Gwendis sent his way. He would still have his waking life perception, able to keep watch over both. 

Fennorian tried to pull his hand away but Gwendis kept a tight grip and looked up at him. He looked inquisitively at Gwendis and with the look she gave him, she knew what she was doing including him in the dream-walk. Gwendis always had her reasons for everything. He only nodded and allowed her to concentrate. Gwendis shut her eyes. It would take Gwendis a few moments of riffling through Vannyn’s mind to find what she needed to see.

Gwendis quickly fell into the dream-walk. Different scenes of Vannyn's memories she stepped through - things that held no specific importance. Her first love, her first heartbreak, her first spat with a friend...these were important in their own right, but this wasn't what Gwendis was looking for. She shifted her focus. 

She teleported into the main living quarters of a large traditional half-timbered Breton home. The dark room was lit by the way of a roaring fireplace, candles, and a chandeleir hung from the high ceiling. Rain fell down hard on the roof above and thunder rumbled in the distance. The smell of freshly baked bread permeated the room.

The clatter of plates pulled Gwendis's attention towards the kitchen area of the home. A fair skinned Breton man with ash blonde features sat at the table, looking to be stuffed after a large meal and a dark-haired Breton woman busied herself with clearing the table of the plates and drinking cups. The woman bore a striking resemblance to Vannyn, only taller with darker eyes. 

Gwendis was picking up on a strange sensation coming from the woman. It was a feeling she couldn't place. It felt familiar. A dangerous type of familiar. What was it? It wasn't the woman herself, but something about the woman. Gwendis telepathically sent the vision to Fennorian. Something didn't feel right.

"Been over two weeks now." The man said as he watched the woman's every move. Gwendis ignored the feeling and tuned into the conversation that was taking place. "This is what you said was best." The woman said quietly as she placed the dirty dishes in a shallow, wide basket atop the counter behind her. 

A barely inaudible squeak of the wooden floor caught Gwendis's impeccable hearing. Gwendis looked in the direction of the sound to find a small child, possibly the age of seven or eight, crouched hidden out of site at the bottom of the wooden staircase. Her small body hidden by the wide wooden spindles of the stair railing. Undeniably, it was the childhood version of Vannyn.

"You didn't want the influence around Vannyn." The woman added as she grabbed a bucket of water and rag. She moved to the front of the table, setting the bucket on top and dunked the rag into the water. With a rag full of water and bubbles, she began to scrub at the table with an abnormal aggression. 

"Do you?" The man asked. His voice was still low, but a bitter tone laced his words. "She's my daughter. I miss her when I am away. I miss you both, but you've made it clear that I can't stay." The woman said, continuously scrubbing the table.

"And risk it, Ella?" The man asked angrily with a slam of his hand on the table. "We don't even know for sure if separation is going to make a difference, Henri. She is who she is. If it happens, she's going to need me." Ella said as she stopped scrubbing the table and fixated her gaze on the blazes emitting from the fireplace. She looked distraught. "You're forgetting she has more chances to be like me than like you." Ella added quietly.

Gwendis shook her head in confusion. What were they talking about? First, the feeling Gwendis had been unable to shake about Ella, Vannyn's mother. Now, they were discussing Vannyn in such an unusual manner...

"I'd rather think on the chance she won't be one of your kind. That our daughter will be normal. Live a normal life." Henri scoffed. Ella let out a puff of a sarcastic laugh and a disapproving shake of her head. "Are you that daft, Henri? Our daughter is not normal. She isn't going to live a boring, average normal life. She's special. Haven't you picked up on that?" Ella asked and turned her gaze towards Henri.

"Because of the magicka? That's no reason, if put under control, she couldn't have a normal life. You used to want the what you now call boring." Henri said with a casual shrug of his shoulders. "That's all been your plan. I have always embraced who I am. It's been you that has wanted to put it under lock-and-key, afraid of what others will think!" Ella snapped. 

"You spend more time with our daughter and the only thing you've noticed is the magicka? Do you ever embrace her? You can't feel the heat that radiates off her? Surely you've picked up on changes in her mood during certain moments in the sky. Haven't you?" Ella asked in a hurried voice as she pulled out the chair in front of Henri and slammed her body into the seat.

Heat? Behavioral changes during certain moments in the sky? Celestial moments? Realization was starting to dawn on Gwendis.

"My daughter is _not_ a werewolf!" Henri's voiced boomed through the room and he slammed his hands on the table as he stood up. "She is! I can feel it when I'm around her! She needs me!" Ella's voiced matched Henri's as she mimicked his motions just seconds before. The chair she was once sitting in launched across the room behind her, crashing into the cabinets behind her.

"Get out. We've seen you enough tonight." Henri spat and pointed towards the front door. "You can't keep my daughter away from me." Ella said with a snarl. "I will if you don't get out now. I'll report what you are." Henri said void of compassion. Ella's face fell in disappointed and hurt. "I want to see my daughter, Henri." Ella said with a sound of plea. "Follow the plan and you will. Just go. Go back to Castle Town." Henri said and pointed towards the door again. Ella's shoulders dropped in defeat.

"And keep your mouth quiet. Leave your sister out of this. Last we need is word of this going around the castle. Keep things the way they are and I won't report who both of you really are. I know the nobility that she's acquired isn't for a lack of omission of what she really is." Henri said with sternness. Ella sighed in defeat. Quickly, she passed right through Gwendis and scurried out the front door.

Gwendis turned to child Vannyn on the stairs. Silent tears fell from her eyes and she quickly ran up the stairs.

Gwendis signaled to Fennorian to wake her up. There was more she probably wanted to see but what she just witnessed was enough for now. This was a huge revelation. One that Gwendis hadn't been expecting. This couldn't be further from what she had expected to see. 

Gwendis was shook awake and she quickly let go of Vannyn's hand and jumped up from the chair she had been sitting in. She looked at Fennorian who stood with a stunned expression. "Tell me you saw all of that." Gwendis said in a shaky voice. "I did." Fennorian said quietly. Gwendis looked over at Vannyn who still slept silently. She'd be waking up soon. The potion would be wearing off shortly.

"She's...a...she's a...werewolf." Gwendis stuttered to speak the truth. Vampires and werewolves - more often than not were like oil and fire. They didn't get along in most cases. An odd occurrence would bring them together. Occurrences such as The Gray Host. Other than that, they steered clear of each other. They were enemies just because.

"This was not what I had expected. I'm at a loss of words." Fennorian shrugged. "What the hell do we do now?" Gwendis asked, keeping an eye on her sleeping friend. "Well, Gwendis, this was your plan and you wanted information after all. You got the information but now...I have no idea." Fennorian said with an unsure shake of his head.

"Does she not remember this? Is she still unaware of what she is?" Gwendis asked. "I could have kept going, seen what else I could find, but this moment seemed far too important. I don't even know." Gwendis continued on. "I've just realized the significant danger we've been in all this time and had absolutely no idea." Fennorian said in shock. "She wouldn't hurt us, Fennorian." Gwendis said with a dismissive voice. "Werewolves are completely unpredictable. You know this." Fennorian reminded her. He didn't want to believe that Vannyn, if under the right circumstances, could fatally injure him, Gwendis, or anyone else for that matter. Fennorian was a realist, calculated and always thinking ahead. Gwendis saw a lot of things through a rose colored filtered. Fennorian was not that way. 

Vannyn stirred in her bed before she started to wake up. She let out a loud yawn and then lazily sat up in the bed. She stretched her back and then pulled her legs crossed underneath her. "Well," Vannyn started but was stopped by a yawn. "Can I be fixed?" Vannyn finished with a sleepy laugh. 

Gwendis and Fennorian shared a glance towards one another before they both set their gaze on Vannyn. Neither of them knew what to say. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope everyone is enjoying this story as much as I am writing it! As always, thanks for reading! :)


	7. Revelation

* * *

"Guys?" I was slightly concerned by the looks on their faces. There was obviously something Gwendis saw that had left them both speechless. I was for certain that Gwendis had shared whatever it was with Fennorian. The thought made me nervous.  
  
They both fidgeted where they stood. They were fidgeting around entirely too much. They weren't even saying anything. Now, they were deliberately avoiding eye contact with me. My heart dropped into my stomach. I stood up from the bed, completing forgetting the groggy feeling that I was felt when I first woke. What in the hell was provoking this reaction from them?   
  
"Hello? Did something happen?" I asked, snapping my fingers in their faces. I was going to demand their attention if they weren't going to give it to me freely.  
  
"No, nothing happened. We're safe." Fennorian reassured me, nervously itching at the back of his head. "Hopefully." Gwendis breathed under her breath. Fennorian elbowed Gwendis's shoulder. She didn't say anything and just placed her hand over the spot Fennorian had just jabbed.   
"What the fuck is going on?" I snapped. After watching the interaction Fennorian and Gwendis just shared, I was no longer in the mood for games. This all had been Gwendis's idea and now she wanted to play coy. "Okay, okay." Fennorian said in a soothing voice, putting his hands up defensively, signaling for me to calm down. "Someone start talking." I said. "Vannyn, I have a question to ask you. Think a moment and be as honest as you possibly can." Gwendis finally spoke. Her words rushed with urgency.   
  
I immediately felt a little sick to my stomach. Had Gwendis and Fennorian found out something I had been keeping a secret? What was I going to have to fess up to? I couldn't help but to feel like a child about to be punished and, depending on my honesty, what my punishment was going to be.  
  
"Do you know any...werewolves?" Gwendis asked, her voice was shaky and unsure. "Werewolves?" I asked, with a quizzical scrunch of my brows. What could werewolves possibly have to do with me? Or anything at all for that matter? "I know it sounds...odd...but yes, werewolves." Gwendis said. "The Gray Host werewolves?" I asked. I was drawing a blank on this question in general. "No, not those werewolves. More...average werewolves." Gwendis said, exchanging another look with Fennorian.  
  
"Average werewolves? Gwendis, what the hell are you talking about? I didn't know there were _specifications_ of werewolves. Tall or short? Fat or skinny? Super hairy or just a little hairy? Do I know any werewolves? Personally? No. Have I dealt with werewolves before? A time or two, yes. I've put down plenty." I scoffed. I just felt like we were wasting more time just standing here talking about werewolves. I was facing a crisis and this wasn't in the least helpful.  
  
Gwendis looked at me like scribs were crawling out of my ears. She looked at me like I was speaking another language. "Gwendis!" I yelled. "I...I don't even know how to ask... How I'm even supposed to say it..." Gwendis finally said something, leaving her mouth hanging open when she was finished.  
  
"How about just saying it? I said, swinging my arms up in the air before letting them fall. Fennorian put an arm in front of Gwendis, either out of a reflex of protection or signaling to her he would take control of the conversation. Depending on what happened next, I'd know my answer. My agitation had started to set off my temper. And Fennorian had seen firsthand what happened when my temper fell out of range to be controlled. It was during the time we were in Tzinghalis's tower and Fennorian had been captured and tortured. I put down Exarch Tzinghalis with no control. Lyris had to use most of her strength to pull me off his dead body. For me, during that moment, dead wasn't dead enough. It was an explicitly violent scene.  
  
"Vannyn," Fennorian started, commanding my attention. "When Gwendis was dream-walking through your memories, she was able to include me. We witnessed a conversation that both your parents were having one evening. You were present. You were but a child, but whether you've remembered this or not, it left an imprint on you." Fennorian said softly.  
  
"Go on." I urged him to continue, trying to keep control of my patience. He was, after all, speaking more than Gwendis had. "Gwendis felt a sense of familiarity from your mother, that's why she brought me into the memory. The familiarity was something of a dangerous one. We afflicted can feel the presence of other afflicted beings." Fennorian continued, speaking quick but still slow enough that I was able to keep up.  
  
Afflicted? "You're saying my mother was a vampire?" I asked. I remembered her as anything but that. "No, not a vampire. A werewolf, Vannyn." Fennorian said with a shake of his head. There was the directness that I wanted.   
  
Now it was my turn to not know what to say. I looked straight ahead, through Gwendis and Fennorian both, fixated on the wall behind them. I was trying to process what I was just told. It wasn't too hard to believe in werewolves, vampires, and monsters, I had faced plenty, but my own mother? How could I have never known? Sure she wasn't around much, but still, wouldn't it have come up? Seeing how I was her child?   
  
My anger dissolved and I suddenly felt that I needed to sit down. I shook myself out of the trance I was in and turned to sit in the chair that Gwendis had placed beside my bed. I bent over and placed my head in my hands.   
  
"I think I need to tell you that you're mother wasn't there for you because she didn't want to be. You're father ordered her away, allowing only small amounts of time she could be around you." Fennorian said softly. "Why? Why would he do that?" I asked, looking down at my feet as I dropped my hands and crossed them over my lap. I never knew this about my father. I thought my mother just didn't want a whole lot to do with me. That's what I was made to believe. And what was with the all the courtesan rumors that flew around about my mother? Seeing how I had nothing else to believe, I just thought she would have rathered lived that kind of life.

"He believed in the power of innate persuasion and influence. He thought if your mother was constantly around you, it would stimulate... your werewolf gene." Fennorian said. 

" _My_ werewolf gene? Gene? I thought lycanthropy was a curse? Werewolves are made, not born." I said with a confused shake of my head. This didn't make any sense. It went against everything I've ever known about lycanthropy. 

"Not always. It is extremely rare. So rare in fact, that there have only been a few families since the beginning of the Second Era that had the ability to pass on hereditary lycanthropy. Hircine had nothing to do with it." Fennorian said. His eyes sparkled. I knew that look. The sparkles were from speaking of something he had surely read about before during his many studies. His interest and academia had been stimulated.

"It was just assumed that those families had eventually been born out of existence. As the generational line moved forward, no one was born with it again." Fennorian added. "But, as we now know, that is not true." Gwendis said with a quick point of her finger towards me. 

"So... it's true then? I am a... birthen werewolf?" I asked. It didn't even sound right coming out of my mouth. "You're mother seemed to think so. She mentioned you having an abnormal body heat when you were embraced by her and that you had changes in your temperament during certain moments in the sky... which I assumed she meant celestial events - phases of the moons." Fennorian spoke, using his hands with every word.

"But you've never transformed...have you?" Gwendis asked. "No. I've never. How can we even say I am a werewolf? Maybe my mother was wrong... Wouldn't I know? I would have turned by now... And what are the chances I didn't inherit it on account of my father?" I was thinking out loud now. I had never transformed, never felt like I was going to, I didn't think... To put it simply - I had never felt that I was a werewolf. Ever. 

"I would say your mother's intuition would be right. She is a werewolf herself. She felt a pack connection with you. And, morphologically, we know that the governing gene of our biological makeup is more from our mothers than fathers. There's many things that I would have to research. Whether her wolf influence would trigger your gene by being around you or not, how you've been able to go this long without transforming... there's many questions that I do not have the answers to." Fennorian said. From the way he now moved around the room, he looked like he was going to burst into a puff of bats to the closest library.

"Honestly, I don't think I am." I shrugged. "We know the bonds werewolves share is something that supersedes even blood. Wouldn't I have felt _something_ being around other werewolves? Wouldn't they have felt it from me?" I asked. "I can't be positive, but, I would assume that because you were born and not cursed by Hircine, that connection wouldn't be there. So, no, I don't think you would feel any type of connection to any werewolf outside of birthen werewolves. And there is the thought that you would only feel a connection from your bloodline. If there are others, but from a different bloodline, I don't know if you would you feel them either." Fennorian said dubiously. He was going to be lost in deep thought soon. I frowned. There was so much uncertainty.   
  
"How could we truly know, Fennorian?" Gwendis asked. "Other than witnessing a transformation? I suppose we could try and see if she has any type of reaction to wolfsbane and belladonna berries. Those are proven detrimental to a werewolf. We could start there I guess. Vannyn already feels very warm to us, so simply touching her to gauge her body heat wouldn't prove much, especially done by us." Fennorian shrugged with a distraught look upon his face. "I need to get back to my library in Rivenspire." Fennorian said with a defeated sigh. 

"You up for it, Vannyn?" Gwendis asked. "An experiment that we are on the other side for once?" I laughed. "What have I got to lose at this point? I have so many questions that I'd like to have the answers to." I shrugged and stood up from the chair. This had, temporarily, thrown a wrench in my plans in seeking out a way to rid myself of my humanity. 

"As do I. I will try my very best to get you the answers." Fennorian smiled.  
  
I needed answers first. It would be a distraction... for now.

* * *


	8. Home Sweet Home

**Fredas 10 Morning Star 2E 582**

**Ravenwatch Castle, Rivenspire**

* * *

At my behest, Gwendis sent word to Lyris of our trip back to Rivenspire. After the night of our companion camping trip, I didn't want her to be alarmed that we were missing in action. We left out the tidbit about me possibly being a werewolf and explained that a change of scenery was worth a shot. I had only hoped that this would be enough to deter Lyris from trying to swoop in and save the day. I didn't want any distractions. I had many questions and all of them were still unanswered. I'd do my best to aide Fennorian in his research, but I was not a thorough academic and most things went over my head. I didn't have the _critical_ tenacity Fennorian, and other scholars, possessed. 

Night had started to fall when we reached the steps of the large, gothic-esque Ravenwatch Castle. The atmosphere howled the distinguished odd and eerie sound against the sky I had once gotten used to during my expeditions through Rivenspire some time ago. When I would ask other townsfolk about the sound, I got many different answers. Plenty people believed it was from the Droomcrag and others believed Rivenspire was _just_ that damn haunted. Both were plausible, but I figured the Droomcrag was a more scientific answer. Then again, what did I know about science? I chuckled to myself at the thought.

"Home sweet home." Gwendis said cheerfully. "I'm _starving_. We need to eat." Gwendis added as she rubbed her stomach. "You go on ahead. I'll be down in my library." Fennorian said as Gwendis started to push the large entrance door open. "No. You need to eat. All I've seen is you drink from that flask. You need a real meal." Gwendis chastised at him. "We are sharper when we feed. We need to get back to normal - whatever that means for us now." Gwendis said with a solemn face. Being back in Rivenspire without Verandis was painful - I knew it was.

"I suppose you're right." Fennorian sighed in defeat. They both hesitated at the door and looked back at me. Was feeding a private thing? Well, their type of feeding. I had never really thought of it before now. I didn't really want to watch it anyway. "Go eat." I said with a chuckle. "I _do_ know that is something you do. You don't have to be that way with me." I smiled. "I'm going to sit out here a bit. Just until the chill of the night blows in. It's still warm out." I shrugged.

"You sure?" Fennorian asked. I nodded and took a seat on the bottom step, overlooking the town of Crestshade. It had all been cleaned up from my previous visit. New townsfolk had breathed a new life into the small town. "Vannyn," Gwendis started but I shooed my arm at her. "Go. I'm not going anywhere." I said, not bothering to turn around. Truth was, I just needed a moment alone. I needed to think... to try and remember anything from my childhood that held some sort of relevance to this werewolf ordeal.

I imagined that Fennorian and Gwendis shared a concerning look with one another before they finally walked into the castle. It should have been pretty obvious that I wasn't going to run off right now. With the revelation about myself I had just found out, I couldn't just ignore it. I was going to have to see this through. 

I was wishing now that I had joined Gwendis in the dream-walk through my memories. Knowing what I do now, I would have liked to visit the conversation between my mother and my father. I don't remember that even though I was there. I believed what Gwendis saw, she wouldn't lie, but all this time I thought my mother just didn't want to be my mother. I loved my father, despite how I grew up with him, because he was the only parent I thought had that wanted me. 

One evening proved to me that all that was false. He kept my mother away from me. He ordered my mother out of my life. And now I had no way to even ask my parents about it. My father had vanished from Daggerfall and who knows where my mother was. I was at a loss. There wasn't a damn thing I was going to be able to think of that was going to help me. I let out a frustrated sigh.

"Vannyn?" A voice that had always crawled underneath my skin spoke. I looked up from my boots. Melina Cassel stood in front of me. I wanted to roll my eyes, but I fought the urge to do so. "What're you doing here? Is everyone okay?" Melina asked in a panicked and paranoid voice. "Everyone is fine. They're inside having... dinner as we speak." I said with a forced smile. "They? You mean Fe-... Gwendis? Adusa?" Melina asked with excited eyes. I had caught that. I caught it every time she almost let his name slip from her lips. 

I honestly couldn't stand Melina. Maybe she was a nice girl, and she probably was, but I just couldn't get over the fact she was such a sad sack. Completely obsessed with Fennorian, but always lacking the confidence to just be truthful about it. Everyone knew and everyone always played dumb like they didn't whenever she would start talking about the member of House Ravenwatch that she had a bleeding heart for.   
  
A weird feeling inside me stirred whenever she would bring it up and she had brought it up with me plenty.

"Yeah, all of them." I said casually. "I must get inside! It has been so long since we've all been back home together." Melina smiled widely and rushed passed me and into the castle. No doubt her excitement was from the chance to stand in Fennorian's proximity and stare. She didn't have the guts to do anything else. I let my eyes roll now that she wasn't near me. 

My stomach grumbled. I hadn't ate all day. The night had enveloped the sky and a cool breeze started to blow. I heaved myself up and walked inside the castle. 

I walked in the foyer of the castle and into the main quarters. All of House Ravenwatch sat at the massive table. If their cheeks could have been pink from a satisfying meal, they would have been. They all looked...stuffed? I didn't know if you could even get stuffed from a meal of blood but I shrugged off the thought.

"Five-claw, good to see you still with us." Adusa purred as she stood up from the table to stand beside me. I smiled at my friend. "I'm sure you've been filled in?" I asked. "This one knows, yes." Adusa said with soft vibrato. "Let's keep it the way for now, alright?" I said. I didn't want too many people to know right now.

"Adusa is aware. No worries, five-claw." Adusa purred with a smile. "I've got to get to my library." Fennorian said and swiftly stood up from his seat at the table. Melina's face fell in disappointment as she watched Fennorian walk away from the table. "Now? Already? I mean... we've all just got home and are together. I think... we could spare a few more moments...being together!" Melina cried out. I was surprised she even said that.

Adusa and I shared a quick glance with each other. We were both thinking the same thing about her desperate cry for attention. "Time is of the essence. Vannyn, are you ready?" Fennorian asked, completely ignoring Melina. I watched Melina's face scrunch up in anger briefly before her facial emotion switched to disappointment. She looked down at her hands. I looked to Fennorian. "Um, I need to eat...food." I said sheepishly. 

"Oh! Gods! Of course! I am terribly sorry!" Fennorian stammered around his words. A chuckling purr came from Adusa. "Drathen, would you be so kind to get Vannyn something to eat?" Gwendis asked her blood servant who stood shirtless beside her. I couldn't help but to smile at Gwendis. She had one boot propped up on the table, a hand resting comfortably on her stomach. She looked comfortable in her own element. "It'd be my pleasure." Drathen smiled and started to walk towards me.

"My library is downstairs. It was once Verandis's old office. I take it you know where it is." Fennorian chuckled. "I do. I'll be down shortly." I laughed back. Gwendis and I had discovered the old space while we were investigating Verandis's involvement in the Gray Host. Fennorian headed down towards his basement library and I started to follow Drathen upstairs where the kitchen area was.

"Make yourself at home, Vannyn!" Gwendis called behind me and I heard the soft voice of Melina ask if I was really going to be staying in the castle. Why she was so concerned of me being here, I wasn't sure. I'm not sure what Gwendis's response had been since I was already half-way up the stairs with Drathen and they were speaking quietly. I rolled my eyes. Melina Cassel was not going to be yet another problem thrown on my plate.

* * *

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A small, filler-type chapter as we transition into the upcoming research and experiments! :) I hope everyone is enjoying the story! As always, thank you so much for reading!


	9. Confirmation

* * *

Vannyn walked into Fennorian's study holding a bowl of stew in one hand and a chunk of bread in the other. He stood with his back towards her in front of a table, books already strewn open over its surface. His hands moved quickly; fingers tracing lines of text from one book before he flipped to another page of a second book. The flickering of the many candles and torches in the room mimicked both his and her movements on the stone walls.

Vannyn walked further into the study and noticed a small spot on the far end of the desk that hadn't been claimed by a book. She quickly took a seat on top of its surface, pulling her legs underneath her. She dipped a chunk of bread into the stew before taking a large bite. The bite ignited the taste buds on her tongue. Now that she was filling her stomach, she hadn't realized how hungry she actually was. The hot, savory broth, tender meat, and the salty, soft vegetables, the flaky, buttered bread... She was having a moment with the delicious food. 

It wasn't until she finished the bite bread that she felt eyes on her. She continued to slowly chew the bite that was already in her mouth as she turned to meet Fennorian's gaze. A smirk of humor tugged at the corner of his lips, but he kept his polite composure. Vannyn swallowed slowly. "I must say... anyone would be lucky to have you look at them the way you were adoringly looking at your dinner." Fennorian said with a chuckle. Vannyn's cheeks flushed with embarrassment. She quickly looked down at the bowl of stew in her lap.

Despite her discomfiture, she couldn't help but to grin at Fennorian's remark...she digressed.

"How's it coming? Finding anything?" Vannyn asked, quickly changing the subject, and looked back at Fennorian. He looked at her for a brief moment longer, as if he had something he wanted to speak on his lips. He cleared his throat and went back to looking at the book in front of him. "Other than what we already know? Other than werewolves have an absolute passion for cooked meats when out of their wolf form? No. Not really." Fennorian said with an aggravated sigh.

Vannyn's face fell and she looked down at her bowl of stew - plenty of meat soaking in the broth... It had always been her favorite part about a good stew.... Coincidence or not, whether Fennorian was being sarcastic or not, Vannyn didn't know. She brushed off the thought and stood up from the desk and sat the stew she was no longer interested in on a small table to her left. 

"I have found nothing about the power of influence or why a werewolf wouldn't have ever transformed." Fennorian scratched at the back of his head. "Everything is _always_ about Hircine. Hircine this, Hircine that. Damnable Hircine is not helping me get any closer to answers!" Fennorian said tightly with a clenched jaw. He was clearly becoming agitated at his ability to find answers he was so certain he would find within text.

"Okay," Vannyn started and stood beside him. "Why don't we just do as you suggested in Solitude and see if we can find out if I am for sure a werewolf first?" Vannyn suggested in an effort to unrazzle Fennorian's current irritation. 

"Well...yes...that should be our first step. I'm getting ahead of myself. We can test your aversion to wolfsbane and belladonna...if you even have an aversion." Fennorian said. "I happen to have what we need already." Fennorian said and turned to walk to a cabinet that was on the wall opposite the room. "Of course you do." Vannyn smirked under her breath and turned to watch as he grabbed two glass jars from the cabinet. "Gwendis, if you're not otherwise preoccupied, I could use your assistance." Fennorian said no louder than him and I had been talking.

Fennorian was grabbing a couple rags out from underneath a counter when Gwendis appeared in the room. "And the experiments begin." Gwendis said as she stopped in the center of the room. "Take a seat, Vannyn. Try to get comfortable." Gwendis said as she quickly grabbed a chair from an unoccupied desk and sat it in the middle of the room. Vannyn let out a deep breath and did as she was instructed.

"Now," Fennorian started as he carried over a tray full of different objects and sat it on the desk closest to me. "If you are indeed a werewolf, these will cause some...discomfort. We'll only use a small amount and for the least amount of time as possible. I'll heal you if need be." Fennorian said. "What kind of discomfort?" Vannyn asked. She wanted to be somewhat prepared for what she would be experiencing.

"Burning mostly." Gwendis shrugged. "Discomfort won't be the word you'll want to use." Gwendis added. "Sounds fun." Vannyn sarcastically said. "Gwendis, you hold this rag while I pull out a little belladonna first." Fennorian said and handed her the towel. "It affects vampires?" Vannyn asked as she watched the exchange between Gwendis and Fennorian. "Slightly. It's more of an irritant. It couldn't do any real damage to us." Fennorian said as he carefully opened the jar that held the black berries.

"Let's try smell first." Fennorian said and motioned to Gwendis to start the experiment. With two hands holding the rag, Gwendis put the berries close to Vannyn's nose without making contact. 

The smell was unpleasant. The berries smelt like a mixture between wet mud and unripened tomatoes. It didn't affect Vannyn in the least. "Nothing?" Gwendis asked and Vannyn shook her head. "Well...tasting them is out of the question." Fennorian said dismissively. "If she was going to have an aversion to belladonna, the smell would have done it. Let's move on." Fennorian said and scooped up the berries with the jar and turned to grab the second jar. 

Vannyn's eyebrows shot up in surprise. Maybe everyone... especially herself... was worrying too much about even being a werewolf. Wasn't this experiment starting to prove that she wasn't? And Vannyn's mother had been wrong?

"This next part is going to be a little...different. We're going to touch your skin with the wolfsbane. If you have any reaction from it, it will burn your flesh. I'm sorry to say, but I know you appreciate truth and honesty, it will be a different type of burn. One you've never felt before. It is...excruiating...for lack of a better word." Fennorian said cautiously as he grabbed the stem of the purple flower with the rag, careful to not touch it to himself. 

"Just do it." Vannyn said and pulled up the sleeve of her jerkin. The trio simultaneously let out a deep, "here we go" type of breath. 

As Vannyn watched Fennorian move the purple flower closer towards her, something started to happen inside her. It was a sort of vibrating, nervous energy swirling within her stomach. She couldn't place just what the feeling was. Was it because she was anticipating the flower's touch? Worried of what it was going to prove? What it was going to feel like? She closed her eyes.

She felt the soft tickle of the flower's soft petals to her skin and then she felt it. Vannyn's eyes shot open as she looked down at her arm. A sizzling, ghostly smoke rose up from her skin and contoured around the shape of the flower. It burned, but it wasn't the _burning_ like Fennorian said it was going be. It was tolerable for the most part. It felt like the flame of a candle being held too close to flesh, but not making any contact. Vannyn winced at the feeling and Fennorian pulled the wolfsbane quickly from her flesh. 

As quickly as the pain came, it vanished. A fading, soft red imprint was left behind of the flower on Vannyn's arm only leaving a mark of irritation. It mimicked a rash.

"You could tolerate that?" Fennorian asked her, completely puzzled. "Yes. It wasn't too painful. Nothing I couldn't handle." Vannyn shrugged. What did this half-confirmation prove?

"I can't stand the anticipation! The belladonna berries did nothing. Obviously the wolfsbane did _something_ but it's not enough to move forward. We're still just guessing at this point." Gwendis exclaimed as she walked to the same cabinet Fennorian had grabbed the belladonna berries and wolfsbane from. She dug in the back of the cabinet frantically. "Gwendis... what are you doing?" Fennorian asked, his voice was panicked.

"I know you like to do things in the most simplistic and less harmful way possible, brother, but desperate times call for desperate measures." Gwendis said. The clanking sounds of chains rattled behind Vannyn. "No! Gwendis!" Fennorian exclaimed. Time moved quickly around Vannyn. She couldn't keep up with what was happening - Gwendis digging in the cabinet, speaking to Fennorian, and then Fennorian's outburst. She hadn't even had the time to turn around and see what Gwendis had in her hands.

Gwendis quickly placed a silver chain over Vannyn's head and pulled it tightly against her throat. Vannyn's hands reflexively went to the chain, trying to put a space between her throat and the chain. The silver burned into Vannyn's flesh like a bath of molten lava and a thin smoky mist poured off her skin. Her heart beat hard against her chest - a sensation of utter rage, fear, and panic swirled into one vibrated through her body. The chain Gwendis held tightly in her hands burned into her flesh as well, but it didn't seem to weaken her grip of the metal.

Vannyn's small strength fought against Gwendis's as she struggled to breath through the crushing of her throat. Vannyn pushed back against her in the chair while her boots drew erratic shapes into the stone below.

The searing pain only got worse before a primitive, barbaric nature took over Vannyn's body. Her blue eyes quickly turned from lapis lazuli blue to a glowing, bright golden-yellow color. Fennorian, frozen in disbelief, gasped in shock. The dark of the study had made it hard to truly capture the blue of her eyes but now there was no mistaking the color.

Vannyn had only one present thought in her mind - she was either going to have to fight back and survive or she was going to die right here.

An indescribable might, a might that was stronger than anything she had demonstrated, manifested inside her. Instead of pushing back against Gwendis, she pulled herself forward. The sudden movement crushed her throat even tighter but she still pulled. She pulled further, still sitting upright in the chair. Vannyn could start to feel her back raising off the back of the chair that it had been stuck to only moments before. She gritted her teeth, continued to claw at the chain with her fingers, and pulled harder still. She fought through the blackness that started to dot over her vision. 

With one last mighty pull, Vannyn jolted forward. She fell out of the chair and onto her knees, her hands breaking her fall with an audible thud. Vannyn gasped for air, her eyes closed tightly until she was able to catch her breath. 

She opened her eyes, trying to regain her composure. Her chest heaved with quick, erratic breaths. The puffs of breath blew the strands of hair that had curtained around her face. Vannyn was still trying to understand what had just happened - what she had just felt within herself. The flesh of her throat and hands still burned and her windpipe ached.

Vannyn heard movement behind her. "Go. Now." Fennorian demanded sternly. Gwendis looked to her brother and then to Vannyn who was on the floor. She shot Fennorian an apologetic and sympathetic look before she quickly disappeared from the room. In Gwendis's mind, she was only trying to help - trying to move the process along. Gwendis was the type who would sometimes take drastic measures - no matter how stupid they may be. She was one who wanted results and wanted them quickly. 

Fennorian quickly bent down at Vannyn's side, hesitating to put a comforting hand on her back. After what he had just witnessed, it was fully confirmed Vannyn was a werewolf and something had definitely been triggered within her.

* * *

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think from now on I am going to be continuing the story in a third-person POV, unless I choose differently for a specific chapter. Also I'd like to add, now that we are getting into lore about werewolves, vampires, and the like, some things may be true and some things may be false. This is how I want the story to progress. As always, thanks for reading! :)


	10. Aftermath

* * *

Fennorian laid a hand on Vannyn's back softly. She flinched and Fennorian quickly removed his hand before trying again. This time he felt her twitch slightly but didn't remove his hand. "Vannyn..." Fennorian called her name softly. 

Tears pricked Vannyn's eyes as the rage she had felt moments before disappeared. She didn't even feel upset with Gwendis. That was who her friend was. She took risks and was impulsive. It wasn't Gwendis's extreme measure that Vannyn was upset about.

Vannyn sat still, having yet to move from the position she fell in. She knew the truth about what she was now. She didn't need anyone to tell her. What she felt - she couldn't even think of the words to describe the feeling of what she could only call survival. It wasn't the same type of survival she had felt when she was facing enemies before. This was different... 

Tears now fell freely from her eyes. She didn't want to be a werewolf. She went along with it for Gwendis and Fennorian's sake. For Fennorian - to give him something to look forward to researching. For Gwendis - to let her think she was helping Vannyn overcome her desire to turn off her humanity. 

Her mother and father were not in her life anymore - it didn't matter what they were. It didn't matter what they thought was best for her. None of it did. 

It didn't until now. Now that Vannyn had learned the truth about herself. She was going to carry this burden around alone. Here she was - facing another problem _alone_. She didn't know anyone else who had contracted hereditary lycanthropy. She didn't even _know_ it could be hereditary. The only one who could help her was her mother and Vannyn didn't have the faintest idea if she was alive or dead. Why hadn't she tried to find Vannyn when she got sent away? Or after? If she knew that her daughter was of her kind.

Vannyn collapsed to her bottom, pulling her knees up to her chest and laying her forehead on the tops. "Are you hurt, Vannyn?" Fennorian asked. He felt helpless. He didn't know what to do or what Vannyn needed. She was crying and he didn't know if it was because she was severely hurt or what. He moved in front of her and sat on his knees, watching as she crumbled right in front of him.

"Vannyn, please talk to me." Fennorian pleaded and put his hand on the side of her arm that was crossed underneath her face. At his request, Vannyn looked up from her knees. The glow of the candles of the room showcasing the wetness of her cheeks. She looked drained, physically spent. Bright red chain marks with a hint of purple bruising tattooed the flesh of her neck. "Let me heal that." Fennorian said and put up an open palm to her throat. Vannyn easily pushed his hand away.

"Not right now. I'm fine." Vannyn said hoarsely. Fennorian frowned but obliged and put his hand down. "I'm a werewolf..." Vannyn said in disbelief. "We don't have to talk about that right now. I want to be sure you're alright." Fennorian said.

Vannyn let out a sad but sarcastic guffaw. "You're laughing?" Fennorian asked with a scrunched brow. "Look at me. Look at this situation. There has to be _something_ funny about it." Vannyn shrugged. "I don't think there is... You're crying..." Fennorian shifted uncomfortably. 

The tough exterior Vannyn usually wore proudly hit a snag as she sat crying on the cold floor of Ravenwatch Castle. Truthfully, Vannyn was scared. Afraid of what this meant for her life here on out. She never let anyone see her cry and felt slightly embarrassed at her vulnerability. She took a deep, shaky breath and wiped away her tears. "I think it's time for bed." Vannyn sighed. She wanted to end it for the night. She didn't know where to go from here and sitting on the floor crying wasn't going to get her anywhere.

Fennorian looked as if he was going to say one thing but decided on another. "There's a private room in the guest quarters I think will be to your liking." Fennorian said. "I'm going to be down here for awhile. Adusa can show you." Fennorian smiled faintly. "Can't I stay down here?" Vannyn asked. Truth was, she just didn't want to be alone. And something about Fennorian comforted her. "Down here?" Fennorian repeated. "There's a bed over there." Vannyn said and gestured over her shoulder.

"That was just put here for storage. And it's rather cold down here...Drathen has mentioned it several times." Fennorian shrugged. "There's a blanket... And I have wolf blood, remember?" Vannyn asked with a chuckle. "You sure I won't disturb you?" Fennorian asked with a raised eyebrow. "No, you won't. I like a little white-noise when I'm trying to fall asleep." Vannyn smiled. "Alright then. Let's get you to bed." Fennorian said and they both stood up at the same time.

Vannyn walked towards the bed, kicking off her boots and placed them under the bed neatly. She pulled the covers back and climbed into the bed, gathering the blanket around her. She wasn't going to bother with night clothes. "You sure you're not going to be too cold? You'll be comfortable enough?" Fennorian asked, as he hovered a short distance away from the bed. "I'll be fine. Stop worrying." Vannyn smiled as she got comfortable, laying on her side and sticking her arm underneath the pillow. "It's...well...it's kind of how I am..." Fennorian stammered. "I know." Vannyn said as her eyes fluttered closed. "We'll talk tomorrow, Fenn...you know...about everything." Vannyn said, very close to drifting off to sleep. She knew he had questions. He probably had so many questions and observations to analyze - it'd be just short of a formal interview. 

"I'll be here." Fennorian said and silently chuckled when he realized Vannyn had already fell asleep. She fell over on to her back with her head still turned in the direction it was previously. The bruising on her neck had gotten significantly worse - the purple now a deep shade of plum. Fennorian frowned and quietly walked over to Vannyn. He placed his palm to her throat, careful to not disturb her, and let the warmth of the healing magicka manifest into a small orb he then directed towards Vannyn's throat.

The soft yellow aura floated on top of her skin before it diminished into an airy, mist across her injury. As quickly as the magicka disappeared, her bruises and marks faded away.

* * *


End file.
